Will you blow on my dice?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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