i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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