Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
