two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
