Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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