I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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