You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
