still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
