Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
