No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
