i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
