Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
