just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
