Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
