The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
