I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
pray to the hookup gods
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
