either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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