We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
