Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
