i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
