That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
