Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
