Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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