She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
