i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
