I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
