Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm passing your future prison.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We need to get me chipped asap
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
