dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
