69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
