This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
