so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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