Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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