I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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