Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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