I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
