In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We were destined to go to rehab together
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
