I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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