I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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