That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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