my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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