he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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