I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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