i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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