Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
