Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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