By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
