Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
