I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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