i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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