I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
