Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
